I Moved Countries — But My Baggage Came Too.

I used to believe that distance could fix everything.

During my last year of university, fresh out of a complicated relationship and having just quit competitive athletics due to health issues, I thought an Erasmus year abroad was the perfect escape. A new city, new people, a fresh start. What I didn’t realize? What I really needed wasn’t to be alone—but to be surrounded by the right people.

I’ve always been a perfectionist. I like proving to myself that I can handle anything. So I told myself I’d be fine. Moving to a foreign country, living with strangers, speaking a new language—it would be hard, but I’d make it work. That’s what I did, right? I excelled.

But very quickly, the cracks started showing. I had chosen the wrong apartment, my roommates and I didn’t click, I struggled to connect with classmates because of the language barrier, and I often found myself eating alone in silence.

The loneliness settled in. And when everything felt out of control, I turned to the one thing I could control: food.

Living alone meant no one questioned what I ate—or didn’t eat. So I started eating less. Then even less. Until most meals were just skipped entirely. I remember going for a run at 2 PM, under the scorching sun, after 24 hours of fasting, just to prove I could push through.

Even after coming home from Erasmus, the obsessive behaviors lingered. Until one day, a close friend casually asked me:

"Have you ever thought about asking for help?"

It was such a simple question. But it was like a door cracked open inside me, letting in a sliver of light.

For the first time, I realized I didn’t have to fight my battles alone. I started therapy, and I learned that what I was dealing with wasn’t just about food—it was obsessive-compulsive tendencies manifesting in a way I hadn’t even recognized.

And that’s the thing—sometimes, we don’t see what we’re struggling with until someone gently holds up a mirror.

So if you’re reading this and something resonates… ask for help. Open up. Talk to someone who can hold space for the parts of you you’ve been trying to silence. You don’t have to carry it all alone.

We’re human. It’s okay not to be okay. And it’s more than okay to let someone in.

Con Amore,

Ele